Review from a Writer's Prospective: Death Spiral by Janie Chodosh
Coming soon: YouTube interview & Janie reading her first chapter!
The Package: Premise, Beginning & Ending
Getting
your manuscript in front of an editor or agent is easy; it’s called the slush
pile. Getting them to read it with interest is a whole different story. There
is a fun, if painful, game called the “Gong Review.” I’ve seen it live at
Dallas Fort Worth Writer’s Conference. A large group of editors and agents sit
at a table with Gong Show gongs in front of them. Then someone reads anonymous
first pages, or query letters etc. The reading continues until the gong is
struck twice. Even anonymous, it is a painful game as 95% never get page the first two paragraphs. The publication world
is not for the faint of heart. Buck up and learn. (BUL) Warning to the gong bong holders, "We learn more about you than you learn about our books." Want to see an agent revealing their true feelings? Check out a Gong Show Review.
In
the real world your manuscript may not get read past the first line, the first
paragraph, or the first page. Your goal: make the reader
never stop reading. Then you’ve got something that is marketable.
This
takes years of writing experience, a chest high writer's toolbox, and sufficient
skill and tough skin to not simply write a great story but present a great story.
- Option 1: you can be an unskilled klutz and
blow all three of those.
- Option 2: you can be a great marketer and sell
yourself past initial pitch sessions—but you have to deliver the goods. No
great story—pack up and go home (PUGH).
- Option 3: sadly, you can also have the great
manuscript, but not nail the pitch, the synopsis, the premise & everything
else they are looking for in a prospective author. That’s how a fantastic
manuscript dies for want of a second (in parliamentary terms.)
Janie
Chodosh delivers as a skilled writer and a marketer.
HER
HOOK is longer than most, but it works:
“The
only good junkie is a dead junkie. They’re at the bottom of everything. Down
there with hookers and drunks. When a junkie dies, no one investigates. They
call it an overdose and close the book. I
should know. My mom was one.” Test one, I’d keep reading and so would you.
HER
PREMISE continues with…
“The
day after my 16th birthday there she was, my mother, dead on the
bathroom floor. Just out of the shower. Her hair still wet. I remember that.
Thinking if her hair was wet, she couldn’t be dead. But she was dead, and just like that, the only
thing left of my mother was her stuff. I called Aunt Theresa, then the cops. An
officer poked around our apartment and scribbled a few notes. Heroin overdose
was listed as the official cause of death. Of course, Mom was a junkie. What
else would she die of? Everyone bought the story.” Test two, I’m still on board and wanting
more.
HER
BEGINNING
Janie
Chodosh provides an immediate strong youth voice. Example: “[On her mother’s
death] Sometimes for like ten seconds, twenty on a good day, I forget. For
those few winks I’m like ‘Hey, life isn’t so bad. I have my own room. Munchies
in the fridge. TV.’ But then the thing is back. And I pick it open again. Let
it bleed.” In Janie’s tight writing, we know the main character is not in
danger; she’s safe, but she’s hurting deeply inside.
Janie
opens with a typical high school hallway and classroom with friends, etc. and
segways into a plot & subplot appropriate science discussion—Genetics. If
you knew you had an incurable disease would you want to know? BUT every scene
should do three things in my opinion. Janie rises to the challenge and introduces
a male compatriot into the mix with a scene invested in a verbal battle between
the two characters. TENSION while introducing characters. Great work!
As
a reader, the author shows me she is competent. I want to know what happens
next.
What
happens next? Her crime fiction thread introduction—and a secret. (Every
character needs a secret!) She finds a mysterious letter from her mom’s junkie
friend. Her safe, but grief stricken world tilts and, with the Poisoned Pencil
twist, hard reality too. Does the junkie friend have information on her mom’s
death or is she looking for a handout? You know the main character is going to
visit her. You can’t wait to find out what happens. You can’t wait to return to
the slums of drug addiction haunts. OK, my preference here? I felt it was too
long following the family and friend angle before she starts that quest, but
it’s the author’s prerogative. I trusted her to get me there.
Janie
also inserts a continuing beauty element in Chapter Three—a subplot thread
concerning an albino bird. Just a nice little extra giving a sense that beneath
the genetic science this book will provide something more.
Test three, the
editor/agent is still reading… If you
can do that with your manuscript? Great job!
Great
premise, great beginning, and now on into what the writer’s call the Great
Swampy Middle. As a writer, you don’t want any swamp, but it always shows up.
How you navigate it is another matter and another book review.
HER
ENDING
Endings shouldn’t pitter-patter, jibber-jabber around. You want the
reader (usually) to hit the top of the scariest mountain bobsled run and leap
into the ride. That means there has to be a build to that scary point. That
means you need a fast, dangerous slide down. On the way? You nail your plot and
your subplot endings, grabbing them as you slide through the switchbacks. And
when you hit the bottom? Complete exhaustion and satisfaction. You WANT to
climb back on again. You WANT a series (if there is a series) to continue! Janie
does this in Death Spiral with great skill.
Many
writers fail in this execution. S/he simply never reach the emotional height needed
before the descent. Instead, s/he roller coasters up and down, rather than
zigzagging straight down. You don’t want the slow down near the TOP, but inches from the safety barrier! This is
a huge debut author fault. You read it over and over in manuscripts—forgivable,
but sad. Janie’s ending delivers.
The
second common ending error is failing to engage reader to the main character.
Someone or something intercedes to solve the problem. Dah. She’s called a
protagonist, not a bench warmer. Get your main character at risk and in the
action. Again, Janie’s ending delivers. Score. Slam Dunk. Job done.
So
there you have it: PREMISE, BEGINNING, & ENDING. Grab your highlighter and Janie’s book and
get to work peeling back the scenes. How would you make it better? What tools
in her writer’s tool box does she best use and how?
A
few interesting quotes from Death Spiral:
Example
of Janie’s scene depiction: “…first thing I notice beside the trash and chain
link is a big graffitied wall and the words ‘Blessed are the cracked for they
let in the light.’ I don’t know what it means exactly, but I like it.”
Example
of Janie’s character emotion: “Heat and pressure bubble up from my gut, turning
sadness to anger like graphite to diamond, the hardest substance known to
mankind. I look around for something to smash.”
For a science mystery, I loved the graphite to diamond bit.
Example
of character interaction and use of fault—always a good indicator of a
competent author: “[Jesse] tries to lay down a rhythm. I look around, totally
embarrassed because Jesse’s not that good. But Jesse’s not at all embarrassed.
He doesn’t give a crap about who’s watching.”
In
Death Spiral, the main character writes a fairy tale synopsis of her deceased junkie
mother and her caregiver aunt. “…the synopsis would go like this: Once upon a
time there were two girls who lived in a small house by the Hudson River. The
older sister was level headed and calm, born of a soft September breeze, while
the younger sister was wild and angry, born of ocean waves and thunder. The
older sister listened to female singer songwriters and R&B. The younger
sister listened to death metal and rap. The older sister liked to stay in and
read. The younger sister liked to stay out and party. The older sister turned
eighteen and got into college. The younger sister turned eighteen and got into
drugs. The end.”
Enjoy
Death Spiral by Janie Chodosh, published by Poisoned Pencil, an imprint of
Poisoned Pen Press.
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